JAPAN, Tokyo Trip: Alcatraz E.R.

**Fair WARNING, Some of the images in this post may not be suited for the young**

 In modern times, thanks to the media, Japan is portrayed as both beautiful and wonky, sometimes both, if you can meld the two together and still find beauty in twisted things. Today, I'll write about one of my many experiences in my recent trip to the land of the rising sun. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Alcatraz ER.

 It's about a 15 minute walk from Shibuya station (it took us 20, but we got lost). All you need to do is take the Hachiko exit (okay. 25. But only because I just HAD to take a picture with Hachiko) and cross the ever popular Shibuya Crossing, make a left and walk past the Shibuya 109 shopping centre. Keep going straight up the main street until you see a Family Mart, there make a right turn off the main street and walk straight down, you'll see a few love hotels, and If you're at Lawsons, you've just missed it by a few steps! It's located in a building that has a photography studio as well, and it's located on the second floor.

Here's a map thanks to google maps and my wonderful grade A. Microsoft Paint skills. For those of you who need a more visual aid.


 Before the lift door opens, you should be able to hear what sounds like Buddhist chants, and if I didn't know any better, they are to pray for your sanity to remain after your dining experience perhaps?
So, once, the lift door opens, you'll have a nice red carpet welcome leading you to a double door with a "To Enter" sign right next to it.

I felt at home already

Upon entering, you will be greeted by the uh. Nurse on duty, where she will supposedly handcuff you and bring you and your accomplices to your cell. But since my partner and I already look like a couple of loonies that fit right in, we were escorted with no hand cuffs.  aw shoot :(
 In your cell, you will be given the menu, and to get the attention of the nurses on duty, you are to make a ruckus with a baton that's chained onto the cell bars. Which you will need to do so loudly if the night is wild and filled with crazies. So bang to your hearts content like you've always wanted to do. 

"ding a ding dang, my dang a long ling long"

Once you've placed your orders, you'll be given your "medicine" in one of those little paper cups like they do so in just about every hospital. Trust me, I'd know. Your drinks will follow shortly after you've taken your dosage. Oh. Don't worry. It's nothing volatile. The selection of drinks however; that one might just get to you before you even chow down.
With selections ranging from Beer served in bedpan urinals (1,700 yen) or if I'f you'd like a smaller alternative a Beer served in a Beaker (580 yen). Of course, there are the more visually hard hitting stuff like their infamous Vibrator Play (990 yen) where a delicious Pineapple and Passionfruit cocktail is stirred with a vibrating dildo. There's even a drink called Contraception Juice (890 yen) where it's served in a condom and it's ingredients consist of Lychee, Grape and Sperm in Condom. 

The ingredients are even stated on the menu. I wasn't shitting you when I wrote "sperm". 

Eventually, we settled for a Sperm Juice (790 yen) which is a Mango, Peach & orange cocktail. And Brainshock (890 yen) which consists of Tequila, coke and ginger ale.

 Sperm Juice (Mango + Peach + Orange, Frozen banana, condensed milk)

Brainshock (Served in the Mannequin head: tequila, coke, ginger ale) Lunatic above not included 

After fooling around with our drinks for a bit, the food arrived. And to be very honest with you, I found it to be nothing too fantastic in terms of taste. The presentation however, I found was the main dish instead. My partner settled for a Cheese Fondue (880 yen) to share along with a Roast Beef Pussy (1,100 yen), and I opted for a Seared Beef Brain Salad (860 yen)

 Roast Beef Pussy

 Seared Beef "Brain" Salad

Cheese Fondue

We didn't settle for dessert since we were already quite full, But if you want to know, they have their recommended dessert which is called Napkins Jelly (480 yen) which is basically some tasty Jello served on what appears to be a sanitary pad. 

For men who make period jokes

Toward the end of our meal, and probably due to the effects of alcohol and/or the atmosphere, we decided to goof around with good ol' mannequin head. Here's one example.

Dickhead was what we called him.



Overall our experience was a very unique one. During our entire course, we've even fooled around with our dishes and drinks as you can see with the picture above. So the place can only be described as twisted as the customers are, as it brings out the worst in ourselves. For those of you who just want the experience of sitting in a cell and having a meal, there are more visually friendly options for food and drinks. However, if you're looking for a more haunting jailhouse experience you might want to try "The Lockup" which is also another Prison-esque themed chain of restaurants in Japan. I'll probably do a write up of my experience there sometime in the future as I have dined there in the past.
I would also like to add that the service staff in Alcatraz ER were very friendly, and they interact with the customers a lot while they serve you, so in my opinion, the restaurant deserves a visit once in your lifetime but probably just once, else you lose all your decency for good.

I hope you found my article on Alcatraz ER to be somewhat enlightening and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing about this. Cheers! And Happy Chinese New Year to you all!

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